27 September, 2006

New Year Changes

Well, last week I saw the end of FY06 and the beginning of FY07.

Some important lessons were learned and milestones were set in FY06:
#1. I completed mission for the 2nd year in a row - something the previous 4 recruiters were unable to accomplish for even one year.

#2. I somehow managed to enlist 27 non-prior-service applicants. At the same time I managed to not enlist 1 prior service applicant. The top recruiter in our state enlisted like 12 PS.

#3. I learned that if I stay above mission my NCOIC will finally stay off my back and bother the other team members who are behind mission - Something that he did not do last year.

#4. Out of all my 27 enlistments, 3 were temporarily disqualified at MEPS and enlisted a week later. I did not have one applicant permanently disqualified at MEPS in FY06 - Please call the Guinness Book of World Records.

#5. I watched my brother's old office partner enlist 52 people in less than one year making him the top recruiter in the state.

#6. My recruiting team somehow managed to be the top recruiting team in the entire state of Minnesota - how this happened I'll never know. Honestly, I think it kind of fell in our laps - through a lot of hard work. We are now going to a "training" conference in Hawaii

#7. I learned that GED babies that the other services can't enlist can be my best friend. I would like to thank the Marines for 2 enlistments, and the Army and Navy for 1 each.

#8. I learned that the Guard Recruiting Assistance Program (G-Rap) isn't God's gift to recruiting problems like it was made out to be. It does, however, make my job much easier.

#9. I learned that the Rookie of the Year earns an Army NCO Sword while the top recruiter, who beat him by 22 enlistments, only earns himself a hunting knife.

#10. I learned that there are no limits on how stupid people can be. I never thought I'd see a guy pretest a 4 - but after giving him two other pretests he only proved to be the dumbest man I'll ever meet. After randomly guessing on the computer pretest and scoring a 21 myself, I used to think you had to be smart to get a 4 - i.e. knowing the correct answer and picking the wrong one on purpose - but this kid proved me wrong.

#11. I learned that hitting a raccoon at 70mph will totally shatter your front bumper.

#12. I learned that I'd rather keep my '04 Stratus than take a brand new POS Malibu after driving it for 3 hours - sorry to rub it in SFC B.

#13. For some weird reason, the school I got the most enlistments out of never let me in the classroom once.

#14. For an equally weird reason, the school that lets me in the classroom as if I'm a substitute teacher didn't pan out any enlistments.

#15. Finally, I learned that paperless packets aren't really paperless - especially when it comes to prior service.

So the new recruiting year has now begun. What's nice is that technically FY06 doesn't end till 9/30, but everything I get now, counts towards FY07. So October is kind of like a 6 week month for me.

FY07 brings about some changes, but before I get to that let me tell you how things used to be and why the other services hate me so much.

Recruiting for the National Guard is a lot easier than it is for the other services. An enlistment is an enlistment either way - Non-prior-service, prior-service, Glossary-non-prior-service, it doesn't matter. If I wanted to enlist 24 PS in a year, that'd be OK. So the other services hate me since it doesn't matter who I enlist. I don't have a quota of 20 NPS and 4 PS or anything weird like that - I just enlist 'em as they come.

I also don't have to worry about education like they do. I can enlist HS Juniors, the only other service that can say that is the Army Reserve - but I believe that the applicant must score a 50 or higher on the ASVAB. For me I only care that they score a 31 or higher. I can enlist as many homeschoolers and GED babies as I want - and it doesn't matter what their AFQT is. Sure they have to take the AIMS test, but I've never seen anybody fail that - if you can even fail it.

I also don't have to worry about a DEP program - my unit takes care of that through the Recruit Sustainment Program (RSP). If a kid gets ants in his pants and doesn't ship - no worries on my end! I don't lose credit.

My state also blows every other service out of the water when it comes to educational benefits. I have Federal Tuition Assistance paying 50% of tuition. On top of that I have State Tuition Reimbursement paying 100% of total tuition COST, not what the soldier paid - for a total of 150% of your tuition paid for while in college. ON TOP OF THAT, I have the Reserve Component Montgomery G.I. Bil at $297 per month, tax free. If an applicant scores a 50 or higher on the ASVAB I can give them another $200 a month on top of the G.I. Bill. If an applicant is a senior or grad I can give them $350 a month instead of $200 on top of the G.I. Bill AND guarantee them they won't deploy for 2 years AFTER they complete training - the "College First" program. I can offer them free ACT, SAT, GED, and CLEP testing.

If the above paragraph weren't enough, I can give them $2000 for enlisting a friend and give them rank, AND free health care for a year. If they don't want to enlist a friend for health care, I can give them TriCare Reserve Select - full TriCare for a decently low monthly price.

Can you see why SFC B and Station Commando hate my kind?

The only thing to change this year is, unfortunately, training-pipeline-losses - what SFC B and SC call a "DEP Loss". If an enlistment of mine doesn't ship to BCT I do lose credit - maybe. Our state is one of the first states to start doing this for the National Guard and the way their doing it is kind of nice. If I do everything in my power, everything I'm supposed to do to ensure a kid ships, but still doesn't ship - not my fault, I keep credit. Even if a girl gets pregnant, or a kid gets in legal trouble - not my fault, I keep credit.

I'm not really worried about it, my ship rate was 90% and the 2 kids that didn't ship were out of my control.....

FY07 has been off to a weird start for me. I interviewed a kid the other day and when I was there I realized he might not be the brightest bulb on the branch. I sent him off to take the pretest and his father and I talked. Turns out he has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome! When I talked to the kid I asked him if he has ANY medical problems, he said "no." I talked to both mom and dad and neither of them mentioned that he has FAS! The even crazier part, his dad is PS and ADMITTED to me that he knows his son can't enlist! WHY DID YOU WASTE MY TIME?! To top it off - his son is already on SSI.......

Another weird, but very funny thing happened on Sunday at the local VFW. I was sitting with my normal group of "friends" and thought somebody brought their grandmother. "Judy" was sitting at our table and it turned out she was the sister of one of my older friends - she was 73-years-young. I don't know how the subject got brought up but Judy started talking about her son who is friends with an Army recruiter. She looked at me and said, "I asked my son, aren't you ashamed to be friends with him?" "huh?!" "I said to him, aren't you ashamed to be friends with somebody like that, some vulture out to prey on kids to send them to die for the antichrist and his cronies?!" Needless to say I was speechless - so I let her go on her tantrum. After a while she looked at me and asked, "What do you do for a living anyway?" I smiled deep inside as I replied, "Well, funny you should ask, I'm a recruiter for the Army National Guard."

"OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! AREN'T YOU ASHAMED AT WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING?!"

The look on her face was priceless!

One of my favorite past times is debating anti-war folk so I decided to take this little old lady on. It sounds sick, I know, but she was asking for it. Remember that we're in the friggin' VFW! I tried to debate her, I really did try. But I couldn't get a word in. Every time I tried to counter her argument or present mine she would reply, "Oh shut up little boy, you've been brainwashed by the antichrist!" (Evidentally both Bush and Cheney are the antichrist - I thought the bible said it was only one man but maybe I'm wrong) I even told her I'm a college educated man, that I couldn't be brainwashed, but she wouldn't have none of it. Eventually she got really mean.

It was karaoke night at the V - OK, I'll admit it, I like to sing karaoke and am apparently a good singer - and when I went up to sing after our "conversation" she waited till I got on stage to stand and yell - "BUSH LOVER GET OFF THE STAGE!" What was even more funny is that I was singing American by God's Amazing Grace by Luke Stricklin and when I was done I got a standing ovation and a huge round of high fives which completely drowned out the next singer (she wasn't very good anyway). Several rounds of beer were offered by other patrons, but I don't drink so I had to respectfully decline.

Wow, this post has been going on for a long time now. I guess my muse is working good tonight!

Before I go, I have to thank the person who nominated my video on Digg.com - my traffic rose 5x since you did that! I went from 4 readers, to about 20 readers! But I suppose those 16 people will become bored with my blog and leave me forever, but who knows, maybe I'll attract a few new readers!

-Guardsman

4 comments:

Station Commando said...

You forgot to mention your yearly mission. I hate you!

Guardsman said...

Are you mad that I have a mission of 24?

SFC B said...

I put a jihad on you.

Station Commando said...

I'm mad that you know your mission for the whole year, among other things.